Goodbye Midterms!

Today I finished the last midterm of my undergraduate career! Just three lovely hours of writing essays on Benjamin Franklin, American mythology, and Emerson. I was so tired by the end of it, that I had to pull over on the way home and take a nap. I love church parking lots!

I finished up the last of my split pea soup, seasoned with a little green chile for a hint of spiciness. I have the strangest taste buds---I added soy sauce (somehow so good to taste, but so gross visually when mixed together).

My mile hike in the woods turned into a veritable powerwalk when the mosquitoes started swarming. There were literally fifty all around me! Luckily, they didn't seem too hungry.

I just got wind of a new blog. Check out Here Be Hippogriffs. It will make you smile!

Sleepless in the States

Guatemala gave me so many wonderful things---a beautiful Mayan host sister to play with, increased fluency in Spanish, and self-confidence. I hate to always seem as though I'm meditating on the bad side.

That said, I think I've finally figured out my reluctance to sleep at night. It was always at night that the club next door would get crazy, and when I would hear gunshots from the park or in the street. Night was a dangerous time in Guatemala. Not having any males to escort me home late at night, I tended to stay inside after dark.

Night was also when I would feel tremors. It never failed: about six a.m. every month or so I would be suddenly awoken by the shaking of my room. I soon "earthquake-proofed" it by moving all of the heavy shelves to the other side of the room, away from my bed.

So I guess my inability to sleep at night may just be a residual effect of living in Guatemala. Daylight just feels so much safer.

So I'm sleeping with my kitten tonight. Everything seems so much better with a warm, cuddly little bundle of fur curled up next to me.

Late Nights

After two nights of staying up until 4 a.m., I am beat. I love hanging out with my cousins, but I just can't hack these late nights. My cousin has insomnia, so he just keeps going and going. It's like living with the Energizer Bunny!

It's been a great few nights, though. Even though we only see each other once a year, if that, it's like no time has passed at all. We're soon talking about work and life and love, and everything in between. Best of all, we laugh. My cousins can make me laugh like no one else can. Even hard subjects become funny. It is a rare person who can make a panic attack or getting shot at funny. When you meet one of those people, hold on and never let go. They are a rare breed.

Life is more manageable after a weekend with my cousins. Even though I haven't had a good eight hours of sleep in days, I'm ready to hit the job search running again, and finish off the rest of my American Lit course.

MP3 Players and Bike Rides

Today I took a two mile bike ride out on a seldom used road. Everything is in bloom, so it was a gorgeous ride.

I'm still searching for my iTunes gift card (for $30!). I think it's a funny thing to have, considering that I don't even own an iPod. I am researching MP3 players online, trying to find an inexpensive, durable one. Once I get one, I'm downloading audio books from the library and lots of Spanish music by Reik and Juanes.

I'm thinking I'll use my MyPoints to either get an Amazon.com $25 gift certificate, or an Overstock.com gift card. With that, I can get a pretty decent MP3 player.

Anyone own an MP3 player and have any words of wisdom for me?

The Human Guinea Pig

Apparently, I am a guinea pig. Or so my therapist tells me, when prescribing a new drug, that hasn't officially been approved for ADD (it has been FDA approved for the treatment of narcolepsy, however). Somehow, these are just not the words you want to hear out of your psychiatrist's mouth.

It's only the sixth day of summer, and already I am at a loss of what to do with myself. I am applying for a job at Walmart, if only to get out of the house for awhile. I'm not used to being back at home. For almost eight whole months, I was two countries away. There was no one observing my sleeping and eating habits. It was liberating. I'm just trying to enjoy the family time while I save up for my international plane ticket to get to an English as a Foreign Language job in Asia.

I'm getting a ton of reading done. I've read about a book a day so far this month. I'm also proofreading at Project Gutenberg. How are you staying busy this summer?

Where Are Career Services When You Need Them?

Is it horrible that I have no idea what I truly want to do with my life? I have the respectable list of goals to pull out for my relatives (get a Master's degree in education, teach English in Asia, do two years of Americorps service in public schools), but so far I haven't found that one thing that makes me just love getting up in the morning. Maybe because I'm not a morning person?

It's not that I don't enjoy what I'm doing (teaching English as a Foreign Language and tutoring in public schools), it's just that it's not my passion. I want more from a job than this.

If I could, I would work with children one on one, completely on my own (no list of what has to be done, no goals to meet, just some nice, child-led learning). Getting my Master's degree sounds great and all, but I don't really gel that well with public schools. I've seen too many kids who just can't fit into the classroom mold.

Take Ashton, for example. I started taking him out of the classroom for forty-five minutes three times a week, and was just amazed at his academic level. As long as I wasn't doing anything that screamed "schoolwork" with him, he would actually ask to write short stories (and illustrate them) and do math problems with cubes. The minute I pulled a worksheet out, though, you could see the enthusiasm visibly drain out of him.

I do want to travel. If the only way I can finance it is teaching English, I'll do it. I just need some flexibility. Conversation classes with adults are great, as is working with children. As long as there isn't too much structure, I'm great.

I think what got me in trouble in Guatemala was just working for the absolute upper class, and working in an extremely structured environment. I can't stand walking by hungry, begging street children on my way to teach absurdly demanding rich students, who can afford to pay the equivalent of $100 an hour and not show up to class on time. I didn't feel like I was making a difference. I'm all for paying the bills and all, but I also need some sort of job satisfaction.

Things to Do Before I Die

Things I want to do before I die.

1. Go paragliding
2. Live in Asia
3. Do foster care
4. Adopt a child
5. Work in Barcelona
6. Run a marathon
7. Travel to the Palestinian Territories.
8. Backpack across Europe
9. Learn to knit
10. Travel to New York City
11. Work at Wild Oats or Whole Foods
12. Eat at a vegan restaurant
13. Visit Washington, D.C.
14. Learn to juggle
15. Get a deep-tissue and a hot stone massage
16. Finish my novel
17. Travel to Alaska
18. Go to Hawaii
19. Visit Ireland
20. Go hang-gliding
21. Bike to Canada
22. Read one classic a month for a year

I have a lot of travel related goals, don't I? I should really get a start on my list!

Now What Do I Put On My Resume?

Wow. So it turns out the language school I worked for in Guatemala was just shut down for a month pending investigation. Apparently it had never been properly registered, and as such, it wasn't operating legally. Given that most of the teachers didn't have work permits, and were paid out through a third party, this shouldn't surprise me. Yet somehow it does.

This only came out when my supervisor had to sue the school for a lack of payment. He worked as director for six months, but he was never paid for his work. Needless to say, the owner of the branch was a little concerned about what else this lawsuit might turn up.

Let's just say that a lot of lies were uncovered. Our illustrious founder didn't actually have branches is half of the places he claimed, and he didn't even originate in the country he claimed he did.

Yet somehow this place was still a better option than my previous place of employment, where I had to convince my bosses (all three of them) each and every week to pay me. On top of it, I had to deal with their constant flirtation and invasive questioning.

The crazy, twisted situations you find yourself in while working abroad.

The Night the Earth Stood Still

We really need a cheerful post right about now. There have been way too many grim posts recently, and that really wasn't how I pictured my blog when I started.

So please head over to The Playpen and read The Night the Earth Stood Still. It's simply hilarious.

"Let's Talk"

I can't handle it anymore. Whenever I think I'm finally okay again, suddenly I'm ambushed with a "Alex, let's talk," and the whole abuse issue is brought up all over again. I understand that my mom feels like she needs to take action. I'm glad she is not taking the police's reluctance to prosecute this man lying down. I just need to move on. I can't keep wondering when suddenly all the effort I've put into moving on will be undone by my mom's need for justice. I just can't see it happening. I reported "Sam's" behavior years ago. The police did nothing. They didn't even put the fact that someone accused him of abuse on his record. I tried. Now I want to move on.

I'm not saying that what he did was right, or that it should go unpunished. It's just that it feels more like self-punishment to keep bringing the issue up. Maybe it's a sign that old wounds haven't healed. Who knows. I just want to get on with my life.

Summer Goals

These are my goals for this summer.

1. Finish my American Literature course.


2. Read three classics.


3. Apply to Americorps.


4. Move my sister down to Missouri.


5. Travel independently to Washington, D.C.


6. Secure a laptop.


7. Apply to teach English in Asia.


8. Get my ADD under control.


9. Retrieve my suitcase from Guatemala (somehow!)


10. Go canoeing and rowing once a month.


11. Organize my room---clear out all the boxes and find my iTunes card!


12. Learn French and Italian with Live Mocha.


13. Continue proofreading for Project Gutenberg.


14. Find an international bank for future jobs abroad.


15. Get an inexpensive iPod online.
16. Find a summer job!

Proofreading at Project Gutenberg

I have recently begun proofreading for Distributed Proofreaders, an affiliate of Project Gutenberg. By comparing the original text to the computer's adaptation, I eliminate errors. I also put the text into a standardized format to create a clean, polished look.

Project Gutenberg endeavors to make uncopyrighted works of literature available online for free. So far, they have posted 150,000 unique titles online, with works as varied as "The Tempest" and "The Iliad."

Proofreaders can proof as many or as few pages as they like. If you're only able to proof one page a day or even one page a week, you are still making a difference.

So log on to Distributed Proofreaders today, and start making a difference!

Paperback Swap

I recently joined Paperback Swap. By posting books on a virtual bookshelf for other members to request, I am granted credits that I can use to request books. The first person in your household to post ten books is given two extra credits that can be used immediately to request books. Otherwise, credits are granted when you send a requested book to another member and they receive it. One credit equals one book, with audio books costing two credits. You pay postage when you send books, but none to receive books.

The selection is diverse. I have personally requested Driven to Distraction (a very useful book on ADD), Educating Esme: Diary of a Teacher's First Year, and The Nanny Diaries. All books came to me in perfect condition.

You can establish a wish list for books that aren't presently listed on the site, and receive e-mail notification when the book becomes available. You can also share your current To Be Read list, and join in book discussions.

If you don't have books to list, you can also buy credits for $3.65 apiece. Either way, it is a great deal, especially when used in conjunction with library visits and book sales.

May I call you uncle?

I have never handled transitions graciously.

I'm hitting that strange age when I'm no longer a child, but not quite a full-fledged adult, either. Dealing with aunts and uncles, I still struggle with what to call them. Is it Uncle Rich, or just Richard? Aunt Sue, or Susie? At twenty-two, it feels more natural to just use my aunts and uncles' first names, but there is that sticky transition.

Grandparents, of course, will always be Grandpa and Grandma. Great aunts and uncles are the same---Aunt Becky and Uncle Alan. It just shows respect.

How do you address your relatives?

Frugal, Environmentally Friendly Day

Today I have:

1. Hung my clothes out to dry on the line.
2. Walked to the bank and the post office instead of driving.
3. Recycled one huge load of cans and paper products.
4. Shut down the computer we weren't using.

What frugal, environmentally friendly things have you done today?

Classics Reading Challenge

Well, I'm still on track for the Classics Reading Challenge, having read The Hound of the Baskervilles (a Sherlock Holmes mystery) this month. However, I am making virtually no progress on the Love Bites Reading Challenge. I just know that as soon as I begin reading Stephanie Meyer's books, I won't be able to stop. I should probably wait until I finish my American Literature course and my job search before I finish this challenge.

I have a nice stack of TBR books. I have Frankenstein for the Classics Challenge, and Reading Lolita in Tehran for a modern day classics book. I also want to read A Study in Scarlet before I need to return this Sherlock Holmes' volume to the library. I need to finish Life of a Slave by Frederick Douglass for both my American Literature course and the Classics Challenge.

I read nineteen books this month, which is about average for the end of May. I have a sudden wealth of free time, and what better way to use it than to read?

I tend to read to excess this time of year anyway due to stress. Whenever I start to get anxious, I read. Between my college graduation and the beginnings of a job search, things have been a little stressful. This is my refuge.

Attention Deficit Disorder

ADD can be a great thing sometimes. It made me daring enough to travel to the other side of the world alone at the age of nineteen, and later to spend eight months in Guatemala. My quickly flitting attention span has led me to read widely and often.

It can also be horrible. I have missed countless deadlines and job opportunities due to procrastination. For the longest time I beat myself up over my inability to just pull it together and focus! There was always a barrier there, though. I threw myself up against it, and fought until my fingers were bloody, but I just couldn't seem to surpass it. This disturbed me. I always thought that if I just worked hard, I could do anything.

Finally, there was a breakthrough. My therapist, who I had been seeing for years for depression, diagnosed me with ADD. I went on Vyvanse, and the changes were just phenomenal. I could focus again. I could sit down and read just one book at a time, instead of two or three. I was no longer carrying around a backpack full of different books and homework assignments in case my attention slipped from one subject to another. I actually finished three lesson assignments for my American Literature class that I had been putting off for weeks.

Though I eventually had to switch medications due to mood issues with Vyvanse, it enabled me to see that there was an alternative to way I was living my life. It made the wall of procrastination surmountable. Life still isn't easy, but it is a lot better than it was before.

Gilmore Girls and The Office

I recently received the third season of The Office for my birthday. This is definitely a crazy series. It's a little like Dilbert for the TV. There is the same unqualified, tactless boss, identically zany coworkers, and individuals just trying to stay sane in a crazy work environment. It's a fun series.

Gilmore Girls is the story of Lorelei and Rory Gilmore, a mother and her daughter who live in the very odd small town of Stars Hollow, Connecticut. Lorelei had Rory when she was 16. Her conservative, wealthy parents were shocked, and insisted that she get married to Christopher, the father. Lorelei refused, and moved out. She supported Rory and herself by working in an inn, which she eventually grew to manage. This is a very funny, witty series with a lot of pop culture references.

I usually prefer reading and working on the computer to watching television. The constant commercials annoy me. This makes entire seasons on DVDs a great option. I rent them from the local public library, or ask for copies from eBay for my birthday or Christmas. I can watch as much or as little as I want, without the annoyance of commercial interruption. I can put them on while I'm working in the living room, or watch them during study breaks. The option to pause the show when my interest shifts is great. With my ADD, the ability to shift between bursts of studying and periods of DVD watching is nice.

What do you watch?

The semi experience

I found this draft of a post a few days ago. I wrote it while I was still in Nicaragua, debating whether or not I should take a flight home from the capital.

It´s about time to come home. Two weeks ago I hitched a ride in a semi truck after being stranded on the border to Nicaragua. The semi had to stop for the night due to a very bad stretch of road. Highway robbers were known to leave bodies on the road to force drivers to stop, and they would then be robbed and killed. I slept on part of the bed with the guy in back, and woke up to him brushing the hair off of my forehead. He asked me later, very nervously, if he could kiss me, and I said no. He was so worried that I´d be mad that he had even asked. Needless to say, I took a bus at the next town with bus services. In my defense, the guy was 25 years old, with a three year old son. I had three people (plus countless border guards) who could vouch for him. One was an old lady with a seven year old son who also hitched for about an hour with us from the border (she knew his dad), and the other was a money changer who sees him regularly passing through from Honduras to Costa Rica. I felt completely comfortable with him. On the other hand, I´m not doing that again.

My feelings have been pretty accurate so far this trip, but sometimes surprising. I had a bad feeling about two police officers who started to take the report after my bag was stolen. It was confirmed when they later said that in order to file the report, I would need to go with them down to the police station, in the dark, in their car, and I couldn´t bring any of the family from the States that I had met with me. Needless to say, I didn´t file that report. I just got a bad feeling about it all.

Which makes my feeling that going back to Guatemala would be a mistake a scary one. I just don´t have a good feeling about going back. It doesn´t feel safe, somehow. Do you think I´m being paranoid?

Ultimately, I decided I had to come back. I couldn't risk going back to Guatemala. Things were getting a little too scary for me. All the harassment, close calls, and violence that I tried to push out of my mind were suddenly at the forefront. I had to get out while I still could.

I knew I had been lucky. I was shot at, but they missed. I broke a few minor bones, but they healed (sans X-rays or any "high tech" equipment). I got horribly sick from food poisoning on an island in Nicaragua, but they happened to have the necessary medicine to get me better. I was sexually harassed by cab drivers, passengers on the bus, and people walking down the road, but I was still whole and healthy. I just couldn't risk it anymore.

I bused to the capital two days later, getting one of the last taxis to the airport before the roads were shut down with protestors. National elections had been held the week before, and both sides claimed they had won. Protestors took to the streets. There were police out in riot gear everywhere.

I got out. I just wish I had been able to say a proper goodbye to my host family, who was so great to me. I wish I could have been there for my uncle's wedding, and Sophie's first steps. I miss them every day.

I know I made the right choice.

Things to Do

1) Pile firewood (all the stacks mysteriously tipped over---again)
2) Bake some good vegan food (especially desserts) to have during my sister's graduation party
3) Clean out my room (I still have two huge boxes of papers to sort through from school)
4) Finish up my American Literature online course---I have two exams and three lessons yet to go.
5) Send out two transcript requests so I can graduate on time
6) Complete my Americorps application essays
7) Transfer all my old e-mail to my new address

Reading Challenges Update

I am currently working on the Love Bites Reading Challenge. So far, I have read Twilight and New Moon. I still need to read Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.

I finished Nothing but the Truth by Avi for the Juvenile Literature Reading Challenge. I have read the Artemis Fowl series, and most of the Princess Diary books, but I still need to read the rest of The Cricket in Times Square. I also need to read Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and at least one Captain Underpants book. I work with middle school and elementary school age children, so it helps to read the books they read. It's hard to give a good recommendation for a book to read when I don't know the genre. I can give better recommendations once I know the style of books the kids like.

I'm trying to read 150 books this year. I'm sure that there is an official 150 book reading challenge on the Internet somewhere, but I haven't found it yet. I'm about halfway there.

As far as the Classics Challenge---my choices so far haven't been so traditional (Like Water for Chocolate, anybody?), but they've worked. This month I'm reading Frederick Douglass' "Life of a Slave."

What are you reading?

25 Things You Didn't Know About Me

1) I have a miniature cat who sincerely believes that she is a dog. She sleeps with the dog, eats with the dog, and I will be truly surprised if she doesn't try to bark one day.
2) I once hitch-hiked in a semi in Nicaragua when I got stranded on the border alone late at night (Story to follow).
3) I like mashed potatoes with pickles and steak sauce.
4) I used to sell my plasma during college.
5) I can't whistle or do a cartwheel.
6) I once had a military escort through the streets of Panama City (a military officer took a liking to my friend, and he arranged for a soldier to escort us back to our hostel).
7) I love Juanes and Reik.
8) I desperately want to travel to Asia.
9) I only know ten words in Chinese.
10) I have an English Literature degree.
11) I eat powdered brownie mix plain, because it doesn't cook up right without eggs.
12) I can never shave my legs without getting at least three cuts. In the interest of self-preservation, I only shave my legs for special events and wear pants the rest of the time.
13) My playground of my school when I was in third grade in New Mexico was behind a jail.
14) I can play the handbells.
15) I love "Gilmore Girls" and "The Office."
16) I feel most at home while driving down the road.
17) I spent a month busing down from Guatemala to Panama.
18) I have slept under a mosquito net after finding a tarantula in my backpack at a hostel in Nicaragua.
19) I have lived in two countries, four states, and countless houses. It feels strange not to move every three or four years.
20) I was finally able to leave a crazily conservative Lutheran church that believed that raffles and yoga were sinful. The pastor asked me regularly if I converted any of the Catholics at the school I attended, and his wife wondered if I was becoming a radical feminist (I had a Gender Studies minor).
21) I lived with a Mayan priest and his family in Guatemala.
22) I find Gender and Women's Studies to be a fascinating subject.
23) I use the Diva Cup.
24) I'm trying to find a way to come out to my grandparents. My grandpa is a conservative Lutheran pastor.
25) I am addicted to books, and usually have 25 books checked out from the library.

Heartbroken

I feel heartbroken. What can you do when a little girl in obvious need of some love and attention asks you to take her home with you, but you can't? Her mother often has wild parties, and is too hungover to get her child up for school in the morning. The little girl hasn't had a bath in who knows how many days, and her clothes aren't washed. She's just eight years old.

My heart breaks for her, and there is nothing I would like more than to get her somewhere safe where she would have the chance to be a child. I can't give that to her. The most I can do is bring the issue up with her teacher, or file a mandated report. It doesn't stop me from worrying about her, and it hasn't made her any safer.

I worry about what happens when her mother can't watch her during her parties. When you gather a crowd of inebriated adults together, things that normally wouldn't occur can happen. The potential for abuse scares me. She's just a little kid, and I've heard more than enough stories at the school of children her age and younger being abused.

She is the sweetest little girl, only eight years old. There has to be something more I can do, but what?

Central American Medicine: The Case of the Broken Toe

Central American medicine is interesting, to say the least. I have had a broken finger mended at the Red Cross in Xela for $0.75, and gotten prescription painkillers for a mere $3 more. Eyedrops for pinkeye were a mere $4.

Why I decided to go to a private doctor, I'll never know. Maybe it was the confusing directions to the Red Cross in Granada, Nicaragua. Perhaps the signs that optimistically pointed to nowhere that turned my attention elsewhere.

The fact that the receptionist had to translate my Spanish into his and back again should have been a sign. The clear absence of an X-ray machine should have been another. However, I was firm that my hour's wait would yield results.

He asked to see the fractured toe, and then proceeded to yank it left and right, incessantly asking "Does this hurt? And what about this?" He pushed it every conceivable direction. After this painful interrogation, he looked at my crooked, formerly unswollen toe and pronounced it unbroken. Despite the fact that my toe was pointing in the wrong direction, the very fact that I was not screaming in pain was evidence that a break couldn't possibly have occurred.

For this painful, fruitless exam, I was charged $15. A small sum in the United States, but a veritable fortune in Nicaragua. You could buy a hammock for that price, or stay in a nice hostel for two nights (or a not so nice one for four).

At least I got some good blog fodder out of it.