Defective Wedding Ring

I think my wedding ring is defective.

It only scares off the good guys. Instead of waylaying my married, fifty year old Costa Rican suitor, it has only served as a twisted conversation starter. His goodbye kisses on the cheek have not halted, and I am still being offered a place in his palatial dwelling in the rainforest. While I could have used it to frighten off the one guy I found who spoke English at the Guatemalan Folk Festival, instead he chooses to try to neck me. When I protest that I have a husband, he only asks if he is here in Xela. If not, it doesn't matter. I quickly made my way to my old language school, which has a gated entrance that I swiftly closed behind me.

My bosses at the small language school hit on me, and ogle me while I wait for my student. If that is not horrible enough, they keep trying to avoid paying me! I'm through!

So now I'm going to have to have my friend Oscar come pick me up and pretend to be my husband. This could get a little awkward, but if it stops my bosses and students from hitting on me, I'm all for it. I am sick of being ogled and harassed.

Bedbugs

It is the rare person who stays in Guatemala for more than two weeks and does not get bedbugs. I have had the joy of getting bedbugs not once, but twice (fleas are another issue).

For those who are little squeamish, you might want to skip this post. For the curious, read on.

Initially I thought I had fleas again. I was itchy, and had tiny red bumps. I could feel little insects crawling around on me, so I was ready to break out the flea powder again. However, I took a minute to look bedbugs up online, and learned that bedbugs, unlike fleas, leave tiny black and red dots on the sheets. I checked, and sure enough, the spots were there. I, my friends, had bedbugs.

I quickly piled up my sheets to wash (by hand---the house I stayed in didn't have a working washer), and shook out my clothing. I sprayed clothing I hadn't worn yet with some heavy duty bug spray, and hung it out on the roof to air out in the sunlight. I figured if fleas didn't like direct sunlight, maybe bedbugs wouldn't either. I hoped and prayed and looked up the Spanish word for bedbugs to ask my more easygoing friend at work. Apparently, bedbugs and fleas are just part and parcel of daily life in Guatemala.

I've always wanted to have the true Guatemalan experience, and man, isn't it fun!

Armed Guards in the Banks

This is something that you just don´t see in the US: armed guards blocking your entrance into the banks. The doors are literally barred shut by men in red berets, carrying machine guns. The first time I went to change dollars to quetzales, I nearly turned back in terror. What kind of place would need that many guns, and did I really want to go there? Eventually, I bucked up the courage to enter.

I soon found out that ¨Customer Service¨ is a concept that hasn´t quite made it here yet. The bank tellers can be surly, and most deny knowing even a word of English. Their answers were curt and to the point. Three of my twenty dollar bills had small tears, and they wouldn´t exchange them. I asked them who would, and he rattled off a name speedily in Spanish. I had him repeat it, and unable to decipher his accent, asked for directions. So far, all I have to go on is: go to the bottom of Central Park, take a left, a right, and a left. Then go two blocks. So my best bet is to come in another day when he might not be working, and see if they´ll change my bills then.