Sunday, May 31, 2009

Attention Deficit Disorder

ADD can be a great thing sometimes. It made me daring enough to travel to the other side of the world alone at the age of nineteen, and later to spend eight months in Guatemala. My quickly flitting attention span has led me to read widely and often.

It can also be horrible. I have missed countless deadlines and job opportunities due to procrastination. For the longest time I beat myself up over my inability to just pull it together and focus! There was always a barrier there, though. I threw myself up against it, and fought until my fingers were bloody, but I just couldn't seem to surpass it. This disturbed me. I always thought that if I just worked hard, I could do anything.

Finally, there was a breakthrough. My therapist, who I had been seeing for years for depression, diagnosed me with ADD. I went on Vyvanse, and the changes were just phenomenal. I could focus again. I could sit down and read just one book at a time, instead of two or three. I was no longer carrying around a backpack full of different books and homework assignments in case my attention slipped from one subject to another. I actually finished three lesson assignments for my American Literature class that I had been putting off for weeks.

Though I eventually had to switch medications due to mood issues with Vyvanse, it enabled me to see that there was an alternative to way I was living my life. It made the wall of procrastination surmountable. Life still isn't easy, but it is a lot better than it was before.

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