Things to Do

1) Pile firewood (all the stacks mysteriously tipped over---again)
2) Bake some good vegan food (especially desserts) to have during my sister's graduation party
3) Clean out my room (I still have two huge boxes of papers to sort through from school)
4) Finish up my American Literature online course---I have two exams and three lessons yet to go.
5) Send out two transcript requests so I can graduate on time
6) Complete my Americorps application essays
7) Transfer all my old e-mail to my new address

Reading Challenges Update

I am currently working on the Love Bites Reading Challenge. So far, I have read Twilight and New Moon. I still need to read Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.

I finished Nothing but the Truth by Avi for the Juvenile Literature Reading Challenge. I have read the Artemis Fowl series, and most of the Princess Diary books, but I still need to read the rest of The Cricket in Times Square. I also need to read Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and at least one Captain Underpants book. I work with middle school and elementary school age children, so it helps to read the books they read. It's hard to give a good recommendation for a book to read when I don't know the genre. I can give better recommendations once I know the style of books the kids like.

I'm trying to read 150 books this year. I'm sure that there is an official 150 book reading challenge on the Internet somewhere, but I haven't found it yet. I'm about halfway there.

As far as the Classics Challenge---my choices so far haven't been so traditional (Like Water for Chocolate, anybody?), but they've worked. This month I'm reading Frederick Douglass' "Life of a Slave."

What are you reading?

25 Things You Didn't Know About Me

1) I have a miniature cat who sincerely believes that she is a dog. She sleeps with the dog, eats with the dog, and I will be truly surprised if she doesn't try to bark one day.
2) I once hitch-hiked in a semi in Nicaragua when I got stranded on the border alone late at night (Story to follow).
3) I like mashed potatoes with pickles and steak sauce.
4) I used to sell my plasma during college.
5) I can't whistle or do a cartwheel.
6) I once had a military escort through the streets of Panama City (a military officer took a liking to my friend, and he arranged for a soldier to escort us back to our hostel).
7) I love Juanes and Reik.
8) I desperately want to travel to Asia.
9) I only know ten words in Chinese.
10) I have an English Literature degree.
11) I eat powdered brownie mix plain, because it doesn't cook up right without eggs.
12) I can never shave my legs without getting at least three cuts. In the interest of self-preservation, I only shave my legs for special events and wear pants the rest of the time.
13) My playground of my school when I was in third grade in New Mexico was behind a jail.
14) I can play the handbells.
15) I love "Gilmore Girls" and "The Office."
16) I feel most at home while driving down the road.
17) I spent a month busing down from Guatemala to Panama.
18) I have slept under a mosquito net after finding a tarantula in my backpack at a hostel in Nicaragua.
19) I have lived in two countries, four states, and countless houses. It feels strange not to move every three or four years.
20) I was finally able to leave a crazily conservative Lutheran church that believed that raffles and yoga were sinful. The pastor asked me regularly if I converted any of the Catholics at the school I attended, and his wife wondered if I was becoming a radical feminist (I had a Gender Studies minor).
21) I lived with a Mayan priest and his family in Guatemala.
22) I find Gender and Women's Studies to be a fascinating subject.
23) I use the Diva Cup.
24) I'm trying to find a way to come out to my grandparents. My grandpa is a conservative Lutheran pastor.
25) I am addicted to books, and usually have 25 books checked out from the library.

Heartbroken

I feel heartbroken. What can you do when a little girl in obvious need of some love and attention asks you to take her home with you, but you can't? Her mother often has wild parties, and is too hungover to get her child up for school in the morning. The little girl hasn't had a bath in who knows how many days, and her clothes aren't washed. She's just eight years old.

My heart breaks for her, and there is nothing I would like more than to get her somewhere safe where she would have the chance to be a child. I can't give that to her. The most I can do is bring the issue up with her teacher, or file a mandated report. It doesn't stop me from worrying about her, and it hasn't made her any safer.

I worry about what happens when her mother can't watch her during her parties. When you gather a crowd of inebriated adults together, things that normally wouldn't occur can happen. The potential for abuse scares me. She's just a little kid, and I've heard more than enough stories at the school of children her age and younger being abused.

She is the sweetest little girl, only eight years old. There has to be something more I can do, but what?

Central American Medicine: The Case of the Broken Toe

Central American medicine is interesting, to say the least. I have had a broken finger mended at the Red Cross in Xela for $0.75, and gotten prescription painkillers for a mere $3 more. Eyedrops for pinkeye were a mere $4.

Why I decided to go to a private doctor, I'll never know. Maybe it was the confusing directions to the Red Cross in Granada, Nicaragua. Perhaps the signs that optimistically pointed to nowhere that turned my attention elsewhere.

The fact that the receptionist had to translate my Spanish into his and back again should have been a sign. The clear absence of an X-ray machine should have been another. However, I was firm that my hour's wait would yield results.

He asked to see the fractured toe, and then proceeded to yank it left and right, incessantly asking "Does this hurt? And what about this?" He pushed it every conceivable direction. After this painful interrogation, he looked at my crooked, formerly unswollen toe and pronounced it unbroken. Despite the fact that my toe was pointing in the wrong direction, the very fact that I was not screaming in pain was evidence that a break couldn't possibly have occurred.

For this painful, fruitless exam, I was charged $15. A small sum in the United States, but a veritable fortune in Nicaragua. You could buy a hammock for that price, or stay in a nice hostel for two nights (or a not so nice one for four).

At least I got some good blog fodder out of it.

My Guatemalan Family

I hate to make it seem like Guatemala was just a scary place. There were so many great parts about Guatemala. My sweet host grandmother, who literally sprinted to the language school the day I got lost, taught me how to make tamales and wash my clothes by hand to save money. My host mother was so loving, and she helped me find a job to sponsor my stay in Guatemala. She let me pay by the week or the month, depending on whether my workplace had enough money to pay me that week.

My host family included me in all of the family celebrations---I got to be the photographer at my little sister's first birthday and baptism. They let me help prepare the traditional dishes, and then taught me to dance Marimba. They were incredibly sweet and kind.

The grandfather made me tea when I was sick, and taught me traditional Mayan cures for illnesses.

My Guatemalan host family made me feel as though I belonged. They included me, and taught me so much about Guatemala. Regardless of what else happened, they were always there for me, and for that I am forever grateful.

A Cheerful Post

We need an uplifting post. A post without armed guards or machetes. So, I am pleased to present you with LOL Cats.

Don't you just love the facial expression on this one?

And how about the sad, penitent expression that this tabby is wearing?

Check out the rest here.

Sleepless in Guatemala

I used to hear gunshots in the night. I lay awake, debating whether I should put my mattress against the wall, as a little extra barrier between the bullets and me. I knew it would have been futile; a mattress is little protection against flying lead. I just lay there and prayed that the cement block walls were impenetrable.

I lived across from a house of prostitution. There was an armed guard posted outside the heavy metal door. I hoped that this would function as some sort of protection. Needless to say, I really didn't go out at night. If I did, I had a whole contingent of people walk me home. My Guatemalan friend walked me home once, and decided to catch a cab from there. He said it wasn't safe to walk alone at night, even for a guy.

I couldn't think about it while I was there. I would have gone crazy. I couldn't think of a truly safe place; I'm sure there was one, but when there are armed guards barring the doors of the banks and police with guns in the grocery stores, it was hard to feel safe anywhere. Here, I at least knew the danger. It was identifiable, avoidable. The unknown danger was much scarier.

Juanes and Rayito blared out from the "bar" next door. It was the one perk of where I lived. Free music.

Traveling Honduras

"Denguex: eliminate the symptoms of Dengue!"

At first, seeing this billboard on the side of the bumpy highway near El Paraiso, Honduras, I thought I was dreaming. I mean, I knew my chloroquine had some funny side effects, but Dengue dreams? That's just a little too strange. However, our quick stop for a landslide covered road reassured me that I was, indeed, awake. Oh, how I love traveling!

On Mace and Wedding Rings

Mace in hand, wedding ring firmly in place, I was ready to face another long walk to the academy.

On the way I passed three goats at the large, open air market, three guys who assumed I must be a prostitute (and offered me $70), and several street dogs.

I was lucky. I never had to use my mace. That's not to say I didn't have it firmly gripped and ready to fire before; one scary taxi experience brought me way too close to needing it. Never let a taxi driver take your bags to stow them before you have seen the vehicle and approve of it. This one was unmarked, even though the driver showed me the right official documentation inside the bus station. However, he let another man climb in the car at the last minute, so it was just me and two guys in an unmarked vehicle in the middle of a strange, large city in Costa Rica. Not a good place to be. My mace was in my hand (still concealed) and ready to use if necessary.

The moral of the story? Never travel to Central America without mace and a good (cheap), fake wedding band.

"For Your Safety, We Have Paid Off the Gangs."

I had never been to a staff meeting before. I had just joined a large, private language school in Guatemala. It was my very first day, and my very first encounter with my boss. She kicks off the staff meeting with this lovely declaration: "Because your safety is our number one priority, we have paid off the maras." At first I thought I had heard wrong. Maras---as in gangs?

However, her next words dispelled all illusions of a simple misunderstanding. Apparently, any business that does not pay a protection fee to the local gangs risks having their staff kidnapped and held for ransom, or their buildings vandalized.

I guess I should have realized what I was in for when I had to show my ID to the armed guard at the door, and pass another guy wielding a machete. I guess it should have been some sort of clue. However, I am a perennial optimist. I assumed that this was just a routine security measure. Maybe not.

Online Games

I have become addicted to Yahoo's Bejeweled 2. I am constantly playing the free web version while I work the computer. I prefer the classic, untimed version, where you need to link jewels to form chains that are three jewels or longer. Four jewel-long chains create a bomb, which explodes the next time you use that jewel to form a chain. Chains with five jewels form a hyper sphere, which eliminates all the jewels of the color of your choice.

When I get bored of this game, I turn to Super Text Twist. You have two minutes to form as many words as possible using the supplied letters. You need to find the longest word possible to proceed to the next level.

I also enjoy Bookworm. You link letters on books to form words. If you form too many three letter words, a burning book will appear on the screen. You will have to use the letter on this book to form a word before it reaches the bottom of the stack or the fire spreads to other books. If a burning book reaches the bottom of the stack, the library burns down.

What are your favorite online games?

Spanish Radio

Definitely check out Batanga Radio for free Spanish music while you surf the Net. You can even set up your own personalized radio station, featuring only the songs that you like. Alternatively, you may click on the A-Z artist index, to find your favorite artist and listen to their radio station. I am currently listening to Juanes, and Kalimba on occasion. To listen to Juanes Radio, click here, and then click the play button.

Happy listening!

Hauling Wood and Tornado Drills

I just got back in from hauling more firewood. We heat our house with wood, so we get a lot of exercise. First you have to stack the wood once it's delivered, then you need to haul it into your basement. Finally, you need to stack it again. It's a constant cycle, but the fresh fire smell is unbeatable.

Today we had a tornado drill at school---even with constant reassurances, my one little first grader was terrified. She huddled up by me, and held my hand the entire time. Poor kid!

I have just one more day left in my internship. I'm going to miss the kids so much! There are a couple little ones that I absolutely adore. There is one little boy who is just so creative. This doesn't come out in the classroom. He gets overwhelmed so easily, and he just shuts down. When I work with him one on one, though, he flourishes. He has written several short stories on whatever subject we studied that day (he's a second grader). He loves working the copier, and has a good grasp of the mechanics of the machine. I'm going to miss him.

Reading

I am a confirmed book addict. I go to the library, and come out with my backpack bulging and my arms full of books. I need variety. I'm very ADD, and love switching from book to book. I usually have three or four books going at the same time.

I'm not terrible picky about the subject of my books---right now I've gotten into a homeschooling jag. If I ever have kids, I want to homeschool them. I've worked in both public and private schools, and nothing can beat the individual attention and flexibility that homeschooling offers.

I also have travelogues, books on Attention Deficit Disorder, and Uncle Tom's Cabin. I have a couple of real light reads, just to balance it out. What are you reading right now?

Strep Throat

I just got back from an overnight babysitting job for two kids with strep throat. It wasn't until about midnight that I learned that one of the boys not only talks in his sleep, but also sits up and yells. Let me tell you, was I ever in that room fast.

We made pasta salad, ate a lot of fruit, and played with legos. It was a very low key day, which was good since the family's dog burst into my room repeatedly in the middle of the night and hopped up on my bed, tail wagging happily. Now, this is okay if it were, say, a poodle. However, an enormous lab is a whole different matter. Every time, I woke with a start, trying to figure out what in the world was going on. Each time, I wound up face to face with a huge dog. Not my choice of a wake-up call, but whatever works.

I am going to sleep well tonight.

Book Challenges

I have spent way too much of the time I should have put into my American Lit essays looking up book challenges. There are just so many interesting challenges out there---there's the Love Bites Reading Challenge (which entails reading the entire Twilight series), the Decade Challenge (where you read books from nine consecutive decades), the Juvenile Literature Challenge (which is a good one for me right now, as I work in a school with young readers), and even more.

Right now I'm trying to read one classic a month. So far I've read Like Water for Chocolate, Rip Van Winkle, and Murder on the Orient Express. This month I'm reading Uncle Tom's Cabin. Most of these aren't traditional classics by any means, but they are closest I'm going to get until my crazy school schedule clears up.

Check out these blogs for some more reading challenges:
The Reading Challenges
Lynda's Book Blog
1 More Chapter

LSU Independent Study Classes

I discovered Louisiana State University's Independent Study classes when I was a sophomore at a crazily expensive private school. Even with half my tuition paid for through an academic scholarship, I was still struggling to pay for school. However, I was able to graduate a semester early by taking these online classes. These classes saved me nearly $10,000.

There are so many different classes available, from French to Calculus to Women and Literature. Three credit classes are $250 each. This is cheaper than even state university courses on a per credit basis, and the courses can be completed anywhere you have Internet access.

I was able to complete three credits toward my English major while teaching English in Guatemala. I could access my course materials online, and submit lessons electronically. I usually got my lesson back within a week.

The courses usually consist of fifteen lessons and two tests. The tests are proctored at a local university if you are outside the New Orleans area. If you are abroad, you can take the tests at a nearby university, or at a US military base.

These courses are convenient, inexpensive, and interesting. Take a look! You won't be disappointed!

My Lovely, Lovely Resume

For some reason the blog was trying to post in Hindi. Strange, because I don't know Hindi.

Anyway, I have been working on my resume today, and debating whether to include the fast food restaurant job that I only held for a month. My reason for leaving was good enough, as almost all of my coworkers were either doing drugs on the job, or selling them. It wasn't a good work environment, to say the least. How in the world am I going to explain that on a job interview?

I then realized that a lot of my jobs only lasted a few months. I had to leave one of my English teaching jobs in Guatemala after my pastor student proposed to me (repeatedly.) My bosses were not backing me up on that issue, and I just could not continue working there. Also, they never wanted to pay me. They either conveniently didn't have change for a large bill when pay day came around, or they told me a sob story about how they are doing so many good works for the public, and couldn't I just accept partial payment for my work? I was an American after all. What American isn't just loaded with cash? Given that I was working three jobs at that time to pay for my room and board in a local home, I couldn't take a pay cut. I had $25,000 of loans coming due for college, and was pretty strapped for cash. I know how hard it is to make ends meet in Guatemala, and I don't begrudge their efforts to save some money. I just wish they could understand that not all Americans have a lot of money readily available.

Both of these jobs were infinitely interesting, and I wouldn't have missed the experiences for the world.

Travel Abroad

I recommend traveling abroad to anyone. The feeling of utter freedom, knowing that no one knows you there, is amazing. You can be the person that you just can't be at home.

I jumped off a bridge, I hitched in a semi, I broke several bones and experienced socialized medicine. I encountered tarantulas, and rode in the back of pickup trucks during a cattle drive. I swam in a cool pool beneath a hot waterfall. I lived with a Mayan priest and his family. I learned to dance Marimba, and participated in a Mayan ceremony.

It was exhilarating and terrifying. It was an experience. I was able to do things that I never would have had the courage to do at home. And I would recommend this experience to anyone.

Coming Out

I am slowly but surely coming out to my friends and family as gay.

This weekend I came out to my cousin. He was supportive, and as a fringe benefit, my little sister no longer uses the expression "That's so gay."

So far that brings the grand total of people who know up to fifteen, plus the members of the gay/straight alliance at college and my writing class.

I actually came out first to my three roommates. I had been dating a guy for a couple of weeks, and I was starting to realize how incredibly uncomfortable I felt. Hand holding was fine, but kissing? The best comparison I can make is it is like a straight man trying to kiss a man. It was awkward, and just didn't feel right. It wasn't planned, but I ended up asking my roommates how you could possibly break up with a guy if you're gay. It's just something that advice columnists never cover. They were surprised, but they helped me figure it out. I was honest with him.

The guy was so sweet, and told me how brave I was to tell him. I expected him to be shocked, or angry, or in denial. He was so great, though. We're still friends.

I told my parents next, on my birthday weekend. I had my van packed up and ready to go before I said anything. I didn't know how they'd react. I figured that since it was my birthday, they couldn't get too angry. They took it surprisingly well, though my mom still wonders if I'm going to hell. I come from a very conservative church.

My sisters were very supportive. One told me that if any of us turned out gay, her bets were on me. That made me laugh.

My parents still fluctuate from day to day over who they're willing I tell. First they say that I can be as open as I want (except for with my grandpa---they say he'll have a nervous breakdown and never recover if I tell him), then the next day they tell me that I shouldn't even tell my therapist, because then it's in my permanent records. I haven't told anyone in my tiny town yet---they freaked out when I turned vegan, who knows what would happen if they knew I was gay. I don't have to live here much longer, but my family does. I can keep quiet for them. It just feels like I'm denying who I am.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Education

I'm sorry I haven't written in so long! I've been bogged down in papers for my two credit Education Immersion class, lessons for my online Louisiana State University American Literature class, and my Readings in Education course. I finally got my five two page papers out, which is a huge relief, but I have four more to go.

One issue that has come up repeatedly throughout my internship is Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Over half of the kids in the school I work in suffer from prenatal exposure to alcohol. They have impulse and attention control issues, which makes class real interesting. There is one second grader who deals with anger management issues, and has repeatedly thrown his chair. It's sad to see how much trouble these little kids have in school, just because their mothers drank while they were pregnant.

According to the National Organization on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, when a mother drinks, that alcohol passes straight through the placenta to her child. If her blood alcohol level is 0.08, so is the baby's. This harms the baby's brain development, in particular the areas devoted to memory, attention span, and impulse control.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of overly pessimistic information out there. I ran into one source that claimed that half of FAS-affected adolescents have spent time in jail. It went on to claim that seventy percent of adults with FAS could not live on their own. I have not seen this in the community that I work in, and was surprised to see it in a mainstream city newspaper.

While the effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome are frustrating, especially considering that they are completely preventable, they do not prevent FAS-affected children from succeeding in life. They just need a little help.

I have seen one little boy make huge strides in impulse control over the course of the last three months. At the beginning of the quarter, he could hardly go two minutes without some sort of outburst. He'd get frustrated in math, and steal a classmate's worksheet. A classmate would say something to him, and he would jump over his desk and threaten to punch the kid. His teacher came up with the idea of a sticker chart to motivate him to change his behavior. When he gets five stickers, he gets two suckers. He earns stickers by staying focused during class, being nice to his classmates, and completing his work. Just three days after his teacher instituted this chart, he shocked me by politely asking for my help, instead of stealing another kid's worksheet! He even used the word please!

I'm not giving up hope. I can see how hard these kids are working. They've already overcome huge obstacles in their short lives, and they will overcome more.

Worrying for the Little Ones

Sigh. I love the kids at my elementary school, I really do, but sometimes I worry for them. When they come in with dried blood on their noses, wearing torn and dirty clothes, I wonder who takes care of them. When I see little seven year olds hoard their snacks because it is the end of the month, and their family's food stamps have run out, I wonder what happened to all of that food. When a little boy comes to school with bloody, wind-blistered hands, I wonder who watches over him, and makes him put on his gloves. I wonder. And I worry.

Eventually, you just have to give up the worry. That doesn't mean that you don't give out extra snacks on Fridays, so that the little kids will have a little more food over the weekend, or that you don't hit up Goodwill and clearance sales for spare gloves and coats. It means that you realize that worrying won't solve any problems. There's prayer, and referrals to food banks. There are mandated reports over suspected cases of abuse and neglect (no, not every time---kids can be boisterous and fall and wreck their clothing and get plenty of bumps and bruises. It's only when it happens day after day and week after week. It's only when their excuses don't make any sense, and there's a new boyfriend at home, or their mother runs out food stamps way too early in the month for it really to have been spent on food and not traded for alcohol or drugs).

If you just keep worrying, you'll go crazy, and everyone knows that a crazy teacher is no good for the kids. Sometimes it's just time to remember that you're doing all you can, and pray for the rest of it. Send some prayers this way.

It's My Birthday!

Since today's my birthday, I've decided to take it easy. Instead of the six papers I should finish today, I'm calling it good with three. Rather than endless studying, I'm taking a break to cuddle with my little cat and watch some Gilmore Girls. I'm not going to stress about the huge mound of laundry I need to wash. I'm going to shower, read a little of Uncle Tom's Cabin (for my online Louisiana State course), and plop down with my laptop to write a little bit. Stress can wait for tomorrow.